Finals period.... is there anything to say about it that isn't a given? It obviously sucks.

I just noticed that I have people responding to posts on this blog. I never expected anyone to read anything I post here (if I did, the site itself would look a lot prettier.) Your words mean a lot, seriously. Thank you.

I'm going to get back into the journal writing habit once summer begins. It's really nice to have something to look back on. However sometimes living gets in the way of writing. A lot has happened recently, for good and for bad. I'm looking forward to sorting things out on paper/virtual paper.

So.... summer ahoy!

TONIGHT I MET THE MAGNETIC FIELDS!

Earlier this week I saw the Magnetic Fields in Northampton. It was at the Iron Horse...a super small venue and incredibly intimate show. It definitely makes my top 5 shows ever. So as he usually does Dave did a recording of the show. However this time someone behind us noticed him and inquired about the recording, wanting a copy of it. They then exchanged emails. The next day Dave got back to her and found out that she knew Sam Devol's father in law and that she could get us backstage. I was a bit hesitant to believe this at first, but once we received an email from Sam himself we knew we were in. How awesome! Amazing!!! My favorite band and me getting the opportunity to hang out with them backstage. WOW!?

We finally approach the Merrit room and he's sitting alone on a couch. Sam calls him over to meet us initially and then Stephin invites us in. Before the entering we shake Stephin's hand and tell him that we really enjoyed the show. I then tell him we were also at the first show.. "First show?" "Yeah the one on Monday?" "Monday... oh yes Northampton. Both shows? ..... That's.....odd. " Oh it was amazing. Continuing the mood it was kind of an awkward invite in...he never said come in or anything of the sort. There was a bit of a gesturing move and we entered.
He sat back down and we stood around him as he signed our copies of 69 Love Songs (we gave him Disc 1 with Stephin on the cover.) Some more brilliantly awkward small talk was made. Dave gives him the album first, so when I give it to him, I want to say something and not just simply hand it over. I mumble something along the lines of "the same thing.." meaning I'm also opting for the 69 love songs vol. 1 booklet to be signed. He says "The exact same thing?" I forget what I did here... I think I laughed and said I just meant that I also have the booklet. It probably was ridiculous. The situation seemed unreal so I'm actually surprised I can remember so much as it is. Oh yeah, before Dave gives him the album he had the box set and a few photos from Monday's show printed out from CVS in an envelope. Merrit sees the envelope and inquires about it. "Oh, what's this?" Dave explains that they're pictures from the first show. Stephin thanks us and says he'll share them with the band after the tour so they don't know what they look playing until the tour is over. Dave tells him he really likes the new album. Stephin is thankful. Dave says it's a fresh sound. Stephin looks concerned. "Fresh sound?" "Well fresh for the Magnetic Fields." "Ah, yes. For the Magnetic Fields." Claudia then enters. Stephin introduces us and asks if she wouldn't mind signing her face. She was very nice, though a bit hurried saying she was in the middle of about 14 different conversations. She asked about us and we said we sorta knew Sam. We began to explain, yet it's hard to summarize a story like that. She understand it was long and strange and accepted. She then proceeded to have a conversation with Stephin (but telling us before hand that she needed to have a word with him.) They began to speak and we stayed for maybe 20 seconds or so before deciding we should head out. It was a bit odd though as before Claudia entered we asked Stephin if we could get a picture with him. He paused for two seconds and then Claudia approached. The picture was of course still in our minds after his exchange with Claudia, but it just seemed too pushy to say "so yeah...about that picture." No big loss... just meeting the band was an experience by itself. Plus having my favorite album of all-time signed by every member of the band? A treasure. Before leaving we approached Sam and thanked him again for this opportunity. Seriously, what a nice guy. What a night.

Today I went to Barnes & Noble looking for another Jeffrey Brown graphic novel (I'm currently reading Unlikely and really liking it.) There was no luck. Instead of just leaving empty handed, to make my stop seem more worthwhile I checked out the Starbucks enclave. I'm no Starbucks fanatic...it's all much too expensive and I think no one needs to pay that much for something that temporary. Regardless, my stomach sometimes overpowers my integrity, and I'll indulge in Frappuccino. This happens more than just "sometimes" during the Fall...I'm a sucker for Pumpkin Spice. Anyways I decided to try something on the menu called the "Caffée Vanilla." It's bizarre spelling is what attracted me to it- both an attraction that was both curious and frightening. I longed to try this seemingly eccentric beverage, but at the same time the word caffée was incredibly intimidating. How do I even pronounce this? The first e is emphasized? What if the word that comes out of my mouth doesn't even remotely approximate this Starbucks coined and trademarked term. My gig will be up and I will be revealed as a Starbucks Tenderfoot in a world that is full of Eagles. They will grab me by their talons and toss me out of the store! Rather than attempt this monstrosity of this word, I decided to avoid it all together, stepping up to the register like an old pro, nonchalantly asking for a "Vanilla Frappucino. She accepts my offer and I had over the funds. I begin to settle down. Haha- I have fooled them. She must think I'm an old pro with my Starbucks slang. Yeah, I don't need to order my drink word for word. It is understood. But no- she whispers over to the drink girl that she needs to prepare a vanilla bean frappuccino. VANILAL BEAN? No sir, I think not. We had a deal here. Vanilla Bean is Blended Cream, not a frappuccino. I needed to interrupt. "Uh..I actually wanted the frapuccino...the café vanilla one."
I sound like the biggest goon on earth, my cool pedestal crumbing before my eyes. "Is there a price difference?"

Turns out there is...38 cents. Though this wasn't clear- I heard 8 cents. I reached out my palm with a quarter resting in it, something that was greeted with a blank stare. Before I began to desperately giggle my hand she repeated more slowly, "thirty-eight-cents." "Oh," I reply. "I'm going to need to give you a dollar then." Instead of accepting she decides to make the change herself, placing 13 cents from the take a penny or more bin into the register. That's a record for me...I thought one time where I didn't have to pay 3 cents was a big deal, but this was groundbreaking. Groundbreaking yet strange. It's difficult to react to something like that. I have another "oh", but this one followed by a "thanks" and slowly placed the dollar back into my wallet, another first. I walked out with my new drink. There definitely wasn't enough vanilla. I drive home with the thought in my mind to log on to the Starbucks website and look at the menu. ...Café Vanilla.

It is the new year. Welcome 2008. A fully expect a hover board this year. We have 8 years left to develop one...otherwise Back to the Future 2 will be a complete lie.

I haven't updated this in- a year! Gee. No but honestly its been a few months. What's up? I have a girlfriend now. I saw Juno. Things are good. Two days ago I went Monster mini golfing with Eric, Kathryn, Owen and Matt B. Glow in the dark. Super cool.

Well just checking in.

Getting gum for free

It's really easy to get gum for free...at least in my experience. Most of my life I go without wanting gum, so when someone offers me a piece it's never something I craving. I maybe buy gum on my own once, twice a year, tops. I don't need it, or have an urge for it. Why do I take it then then... I take it because I can. I always graciously accept. Now this secret- how to get gum for free without even asking. I tend to look around a lot. I'm always observing my surroundings, getting a feel for things. People often chew gum. To chew gum you first have to take out a piece of gum, and this is a bit of a ritualistic act. You take it out of your pocket, select a piece, unwrap that piece, then pop it into your mouth. There's a second part of this act though, one that extends beyond your own enjoyment. If someone you know is around you, you offer them a piece. You want them to share the sensation. You will not be alone. Let's chew together. Now getting back to my experience. I'm not talking about getting gum from people I know, though I guess I'm acquainted with them, yet not on a first name basis. The third unspoken rule to this gum game seems to be that if someone watches you offer someone else a piece of gum, you must also offer the watcher a piece. Three times in my psych of learning class this has occurred, with three different people. I didn't want a piece of gum any of the times. My gaze was just briefly in the area of the gum giving and before I knew it a piece was in my mouth. It's so bizarre. What else in life works like this? Sex certainly doesn't. The world is your oyster and your world is a gigantic piece of gum.

Awful day. And you wouldn't believe how worse it got when it took my computer 5 minutes to actually open the internet. Today was one of those days where nothing went my way. Nothing was convenient, even simple tasks becoming enormously frustrating by something else being in the way. Lets do a run down...

I wake up and notice that the Blood Brothers broke up today. Though I'm not much of a listener to them anymore, they were one of my favorite bands during my last two years of high school and I really associate them with those times more than most other bands. Sad to see them go.

The quiz question for research methods was the one I was unsure about. Great. Also it turns out that as all the girls in my PLA group have chosen each other as partners, I'm stuck with the kid who shows up to less than half the classes, never turns in work on time, and to top it all off has been completely missing for the last two weeks. Turns out I now have to do the project entirely on my own. Wow, thanks.

My Spanish book is missing. I have no idea how and why but I spent about an hour today tearing apart my room looking for it with no luck, then stopping by the classroom only to interrupt a test and then visit the bookstore to find no more copies in stock. They had to import the book from Spain...it's not available anywhere online.

It's amazing how a few frustrations in a row can build up so quickly into a complete break-down. I left dinner, unhappy with the too-spicy dish and the Magnetic Fields' "The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side" came up on shuffle. I started to tear up a bit, holding them back as I was out in public. There's something about hearing one of my all-time favorite songs when I'm in a down mood...it makes me both better and worse. It's like tears upon getting attention, like in the Elephant Man when he cries upon a woman talking to him like a human, something that he's never experienced before. That scene gets me more than any other. The music is there for me. Then Beat Happening's "Cry for a Shadow" was next and I could no longer hold back. I just had such a cry fest and over what...a book and a project? I then began to get self-critical as I usually do when things don't go my way and started on about the social anxiety thing again. I can't pretend it's not there. Why won't my mom actually listen when I say I feel it's not just shyness and want to see someone about it. I've mentioned it off hand a few times, but have yet to be direct about it. Hell she even said she'd make an appointment with someone for October. I see the urgency. Thanks a fucking lot.

I see people I'm acquainted with around campus someones from a distance and actively avoid them. I know it's ridiculous, but I still do it. Like I fear making a fool out of myself around others so I just avoid them all together? Could be it. I don't want this. I see people with so many friends and wonder how they do it. Relationships...don't even go there. That's another thing I'm stressed about at the moment. It should be so simple. Fuck. I don't want people to think i'm unaffected and cold. I've had enough of that. Can I just be liked?

Pinkerton is saving my life once again. I owe this album so much.

I haven't listened to it in its entirety in maybe a year? What's wrong with me? I've heard this record hundreds of times but right now it's hitting such a chord that i'm in tears.