Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Getting gum for free

It's really easy to get gum for free...at least in my experience. Most of my life I go without wanting gum, so when someone offers me a piece it's never something I craving. I maybe buy gum on my own once, twice a year, tops. I don't need it, or have an urge for it. Why do I take it then then... I take it because I can. I always graciously accept. Now this secret- how to get gum for free without even asking. I tend to look around a lot. I'm always observing my surroundings, getting a feel for things. People often chew gum. To chew gum you first have to take out a piece of gum, and this is a bit of a ritualistic act. You take it out of your pocket, select a piece, unwrap that piece, then pop it into your mouth. There's a second part of this act though, one that extends beyond your own enjoyment. If someone you know is around you, you offer them a piece. You want them to share the sensation. You will not be alone. Let's chew together. Now getting back to my experience. I'm not talking about getting gum from people I know, though I guess I'm acquainted with them, yet not on a first name basis. The third unspoken rule to this gum game seems to be that if someone watches you offer someone else a piece of gum, you must also offer the watcher a piece. Three times in my psych of learning class this has occurred, with three different people. I didn't want a piece of gum any of the times. My gaze was just briefly in the area of the gum giving and before I knew it a piece was in my mouth. It's so bizarre. What else in life works like this? Sex certainly doesn't. The world is your oyster and your world is a gigantic piece of gum.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Awful day. And you wouldn't believe how worse it got when it took my computer 5 minutes to actually open the internet. Today was one of those days where nothing went my way. Nothing was convenient, even simple tasks becoming enormously frustrating by something else being in the way. Lets do a run down...

I wake up and notice that the Blood Brothers broke up today. Though I'm not much of a listener to them anymore, they were one of my favorite bands during my last two years of high school and I really associate them with those times more than most other bands. Sad to see them go.

The quiz question for research methods was the one I was unsure about. Great. Also it turns out that as all the girls in my PLA group have chosen each other as partners, I'm stuck with the kid who shows up to less than half the classes, never turns in work on time, and to top it all off has been completely missing for the last two weeks. Turns out I now have to do the project entirely on my own. Wow, thanks.

My Spanish book is missing. I have no idea how and why but I spent about an hour today tearing apart my room looking for it with no luck, then stopping by the classroom only to interrupt a test and then visit the bookstore to find no more copies in stock. They had to import the book from Spain...it's not available anywhere online.

It's amazing how a few frustrations in a row can build up so quickly into a complete break-down. I left dinner, unhappy with the too-spicy dish and the Magnetic Fields' "The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side" came up on shuffle. I started to tear up a bit, holding them back as I was out in public. There's something about hearing one of my all-time favorite songs when I'm in a down mood...it makes me both better and worse. It's like tears upon getting attention, like in the Elephant Man when he cries upon a woman talking to him like a human, something that he's never experienced before. That scene gets me more than any other. The music is there for me. Then Beat Happening's "Cry for a Shadow" was next and I could no longer hold back. I just had such a cry fest and over what...a book and a project? I then began to get self-critical as I usually do when things don't go my way and started on about the social anxiety thing again. I can't pretend it's not there. Why won't my mom actually listen when I say I feel it's not just shyness and want to see someone about it. I've mentioned it off hand a few times, but have yet to be direct about it. Hell she even said she'd make an appointment with someone for October. I see the urgency. Thanks a fucking lot.

I see people I'm acquainted with around campus someones from a distance and actively avoid them. I know it's ridiculous, but I still do it. Like I fear making a fool out of myself around others so I just avoid them all together? Could be it. I don't want this. I see people with so many friends and wonder how they do it. Relationships...don't even go there. That's another thing I'm stressed about at the moment. It should be so simple. Fuck. I don't want people to think i'm unaffected and cold. I've had enough of that. Can I just be liked?

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Pinkerton is saving my life once again. I owe this album so much.

I haven't listened to it in its entirety in maybe a year? What's wrong with me? I've heard this record hundreds of times but right now it's hitting such a chord that i'm in tears.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

So sometimes you might put a good bit of effort into a night's plans. Sometimes those plans might fall flat in every regard that the only possible explanation at the time is a curse. But then your night forms a new path, one that ends up being even more rewarding and enjoyable than
you hoped for initially. This is wonderful.

Thursday, November 1, 2007


Type 1 Type 2 Type 3 Type 4 Type 5 Type 6 Type 7 Type 8 Type 9
4 3 3 8 5 3 4 0 6


Type 1: The Reformer. The rational, idealistic type.
Type 2: The Helper. The caring, nurturing type.
Type 3: The Motivator. The adaptable, success-oriented type.
Type 4: The Artist. The intuitive, reserved type.
Type 5: The Thinker. The perceptive, cerebral type.
Type 6: The Skeptic. The committed, security-oriented type.
Type 7: The Generalist. The enthusiastic, productive type.
Type 8: The Leader. The powerful, aggressive type.
Type 9: The Peacemaker. The easygoing, accommodating type.

Fours are the masters of the emotional realm. Fours seem to be old souls. They have been around the block with heartache and even if they still get caught up in it they know there way around.

Some books say that fours are the jealous type. That’s bullshit. Fours don’t want what you have, they want something of their own… but it might be the same thing that you have.

You see fours are always out looking for how to make life better. That’s the thing- the aperture on the vision is so large that fours are trying to find ways to make LIFE better.

Fours can seem sort of down to others. Fours can seem sort of sad, but they really aren’t that sad at all. Once you get to know them, fours know a depth of feeling that none of the other types can TOUCH.

Fours are dag smat on the part of the enneagram that coincides with emotions. Yup, the thinking types see no logic in the four’s moves and the body types think fours are airy-fairy.

Fours are often lethally embarrassed. Or self-concious. Or both.

But that’s OK because despite what anyone might think, the four knows exactly what’s going on.

The desire to create and seek meaning is emphasized in the Individualist. They are emotionally driven, passionate people, who want to be recognized as special and distinguished from others. They are, at their best, compassionate, empathetic, and refined. This often leads them to artistic endeavors of various sorts, or alternatively, to relationships that would bring them intense feelings whether sublime or despairing. On the flipside, their emotional turbulances and excess fantasizing can cause difficulties with living in the moment, rather than in the past or in the future, chronic dissatisfaction and depression, and conflicts with others.