this weekend i am watching jessie while my parents are in corning cleaning up the house. last night she wouldn't stop hanging outside of my shut bedroom door for my parent's room. when i'd open the door she would get really excited and jump up like a meerkat to see if they were finally in the bed. though she took me upstairs a little around 12, it wasn't until almost 2:30 that I got to sleep. i first thought the was fine on my floor in her bed but then she started crying and pacing. she did the bedroom door act again. then she ran downstairs and i had to convince her to come back up. i then decided to put her in my bed which worked for an hour. then she started crying again which woke me up. finally back on the floor she went to bed. hopefully tonight will be easier.

right now i'm scanning an old journal i wrote during the summer of 95. that's what inspired me to write this entry. i just listened to robert pollard's the relaxation of the asshole for the first time. his "comedy album." pretty bad. right now i have on the wrens - meadowlarks. it's a great album.

there's this new burger at wendy's called the bacon blue. it's bacon and blue cheese along with the regular burger add-ons. it's so good.

a few weird dreams lately. i've been pretty addicted to dexter lately and i had one dream where doakes was dressed as a woman to be undercover. last night i dreamed that i met a version of myself as a little kid on a boat. apparently no one ever left the boat and i was keeping a diary of my life. i told past me to always keep up with my journal, and never let a day go by where i don't write at least something. i guess that dream inspired me to look at my old journals which then inspired me to write this. how linear. i do regret not keeping a constant journal. i've tried but i've always fallen away.

More About Texas

Ginger Ale doesn't really exist here. If you ask for it while at a restaurant, they give you Sprite with a little bit of Coke in it. That is not Ginger Ale.

There's also a soda called Big Red here. It's really big here actually. It's like a mix of Creme soda and bubble gum flavor. Really really sweet but pretty awesome. Went to a Dr. Pepper museum as a roadside attraction and got at as a float. The Dr. Pepper museum was home of the first Dr. Pepper bottling machine, as well as first bar fountain. Apart from that it was lots of memorabilia directly relating to Dr. Pepper and Dr. Pepper only. They were really understaffed there and no one was manning the ticket counter for a period of nearly 15 minutes. We just walked in. The asking price of $7 per person was a bit steep anyways.

We drove by Baylor University which had a pretty great campus. Their mascot is the bear, and for that they actually have a mini zoo section where two live bears hang out. The bears weren't out when we visited, but their habitat was spacious and very clean.

I think that's it for Dallas. In total we spent about two days there. Much of the time was visiting with my Aunt and Uncle who live there as well as my cousin Samantha. She is very entertaining and super mature for her 8 years. When you hang out with people much younger than you and play Mario Kart on the Nintendo DS, their reaction to how good you are gives you a major confidence boost. When I told her I had been playing the game in some form or another for 12 years, her head practically exploded. I kinda really want a DS, but then think how much I'd actually use it. But man.. I'd love to play Animal Crossing on the go. Anyways they also have 4 cats, so it was massively fun to take pictures of them. I used to not think I liked cats, but now I kind of get it. Samantha says they have the "stinkiest shits." Hmm.

On to Austin. OH MY GOD. AUSTIN WAS AMAZING. I think I want to live there someday. Apart from the no winter thing which I would miss, it is pretty perfect. The slogan of the people is "Keep Austin Weird." It is totally weird and I love it. For a capital especially, it is super funky. Capital of Texas nonetheless. I also used to think Texas was uber lame, but man, Austin was incredible. I'm in San Antonio now and that's even very cool, but Austin! I wish we were here a bit later so we could have seen the Austin City Limits film festival. I was pretty cool with the city the first day of arrival, but once we stumbled across Daniel Johnston's Hi How Are You mural, that all changed. How could I have forgotten that was in Austin?? Oh man. Pictures. Well back to the first night, I walked around the city with my dad and we stumbled across a billards bar. I had never played and the tables were really good ones, so we entered. Billards is a lot of fun, though it wasn't until the second game that I finally got the touch down. I beat my dad then, who destroyed me the first game. Then air hockey which is always fun, though I swear more points are always accidental ones than ones actually scored.

The next morning was also the failed Leonard Cohen attempt. I realized that today, I was an idiot and did not realize that the time change here would mean that the 10am ticket sale would actually be 9:00 for us. Still, it was all sold out by 10, though actually 11. Meh. Thankfully they added a second show and I will not be missing the pre-sale on Thursday morning. Well, Monday was basically going all around Austin and realizing that everything there is so much more awesome than what I am used to. Record stores are prominent and incredible, especially Waterloo Records. It's like a Newbury Comics but with 6 times the vinyl, better prices on the vinyl, a decent That's Entertainment type selection of used vinyl, and a massive CD/DVD collection. Easily the most Criterion dvds I have seen in one place. Like 5 times that of Border's. I picked up Deerhunter's Microcastle for $12.99 (the two LP edition!), and Gang of Four's Entertainment! for $17.99. Plus apparently a 33/13 edition of Pink Flag came out which I did not existed, so I snatched that up. There was also a place called Atone's which was better for used records. I picked up Lou Reed's New York there as well as Tom Wait's Swordfishtrombones. Plus for vintage stores, Austin has a ton of awesome places. It was so frustrating as there was so many things I wanted but would be impossible to get back on the plane. Oh and the video store, I Luv Video? Best video store I've ever been to. If I could rent at a place like that... they had so many obscuro sections, plus a side room for those looking for the experimental/avant-garde, weirdo cinema. So awesome.

Edit:
Oh yeah, forgot to mention that we visited the 6th floor museum.. the place where Kennedy was shot from when visiting Dallas. That was very surreal as they kept the window in the exact same state as it was during 1963.

Dallas

More things of note:

Every McDonalds has a playland.
I saw a McDonalds that was shaped like a giant cake. With a banana.
There's stores called Condoms to Go. This is good because most stores make you use the condoms while there.
Also saw a massive best buy sized casket store. It was next to Fancy Cakes by Laura.

texas

I'm in Texas. No computer. iPhone. Shortened. Thoughts...

It is cold and cloudy.
Bryers ice cream = Dryers ice cream here. Weird.
Airport has McDonalds with breakfast all day.
People in airport walk really fast. I like.
Bathrooms too small. No urinal dividers. boooo


Okay leaving rental car place now. More observations to come

Whoa

I don't really update this. I'm 22 now. I know, right.

I had a dream two night ago that I was in a class with my current sociology teacher and I was doing a presentation on the role of S&M in Toy Story. I had a key argument and even brought up specific scenes to reference. I don't remember the scenes now though. Still she was impressed with my use of specific evidence.

Uh huh.

Finals period.... is there anything to say about it that isn't a given? It obviously sucks.

I just noticed that I have people responding to posts on this blog. I never expected anyone to read anything I post here (if I did, the site itself would look a lot prettier.) Your words mean a lot, seriously. Thank you.

I'm going to get back into the journal writing habit once summer begins. It's really nice to have something to look back on. However sometimes living gets in the way of writing. A lot has happened recently, for good and for bad. I'm looking forward to sorting things out on paper/virtual paper.

So.... summer ahoy!

TONIGHT I MET THE MAGNETIC FIELDS!

Earlier this week I saw the Magnetic Fields in Northampton. It was at the Iron Horse...a super small venue and incredibly intimate show. It definitely makes my top 5 shows ever. So as he usually does Dave did a recording of the show. However this time someone behind us noticed him and inquired about the recording, wanting a copy of it. They then exchanged emails. The next day Dave got back to her and found out that she knew Sam Devol's father in law and that she could get us backstage. I was a bit hesitant to believe this at first, but once we received an email from Sam himself we knew we were in. How awesome! Amazing!!! My favorite band and me getting the opportunity to hang out with them backstage. WOW!?

We finally approach the Merrit room and he's sitting alone on a couch. Sam calls him over to meet us initially and then Stephin invites us in. Before the entering we shake Stephin's hand and tell him that we really enjoyed the show. I then tell him we were also at the first show.. "First show?" "Yeah the one on Monday?" "Monday... oh yes Northampton. Both shows? ..... That's.....odd. " Oh it was amazing. Continuing the mood it was kind of an awkward invite in...he never said come in or anything of the sort. There was a bit of a gesturing move and we entered.
He sat back down and we stood around him as he signed our copies of 69 Love Songs (we gave him Disc 1 with Stephin on the cover.) Some more brilliantly awkward small talk was made. Dave gives him the album first, so when I give it to him, I want to say something and not just simply hand it over. I mumble something along the lines of "the same thing.." meaning I'm also opting for the 69 love songs vol. 1 booklet to be signed. He says "The exact same thing?" I forget what I did here... I think I laughed and said I just meant that I also have the booklet. It probably was ridiculous. The situation seemed unreal so I'm actually surprised I can remember so much as it is. Oh yeah, before Dave gives him the album he had the box set and a few photos from Monday's show printed out from CVS in an envelope. Merrit sees the envelope and inquires about it. "Oh, what's this?" Dave explains that they're pictures from the first show. Stephin thanks us and says he'll share them with the band after the tour so they don't know what they look playing until the tour is over. Dave tells him he really likes the new album. Stephin is thankful. Dave says it's a fresh sound. Stephin looks concerned. "Fresh sound?" "Well fresh for the Magnetic Fields." "Ah, yes. For the Magnetic Fields." Claudia then enters. Stephin introduces us and asks if she wouldn't mind signing her face. She was very nice, though a bit hurried saying she was in the middle of about 14 different conversations. She asked about us and we said we sorta knew Sam. We began to explain, yet it's hard to summarize a story like that. She understand it was long and strange and accepted. She then proceeded to have a conversation with Stephin (but telling us before hand that she needed to have a word with him.) They began to speak and we stayed for maybe 20 seconds or so before deciding we should head out. It was a bit odd though as before Claudia entered we asked Stephin if we could get a picture with him. He paused for two seconds and then Claudia approached. The picture was of course still in our minds after his exchange with Claudia, but it just seemed too pushy to say "so yeah...about that picture." No big loss... just meeting the band was an experience by itself. Plus having my favorite album of all-time signed by every member of the band? A treasure. Before leaving we approached Sam and thanked him again for this opportunity. Seriously, what a nice guy. What a night.

Today I went to Barnes & Noble looking for another Jeffrey Brown graphic novel (I'm currently reading Unlikely and really liking it.) There was no luck. Instead of just leaving empty handed, to make my stop seem more worthwhile I checked out the Starbucks enclave. I'm no Starbucks fanatic...it's all much too expensive and I think no one needs to pay that much for something that temporary. Regardless, my stomach sometimes overpowers my integrity, and I'll indulge in Frappuccino. This happens more than just "sometimes" during the Fall...I'm a sucker for Pumpkin Spice. Anyways I decided to try something on the menu called the "Caffée Vanilla." It's bizarre spelling is what attracted me to it- both an attraction that was both curious and frightening. I longed to try this seemingly eccentric beverage, but at the same time the word caffée was incredibly intimidating. How do I even pronounce this? The first e is emphasized? What if the word that comes out of my mouth doesn't even remotely approximate this Starbucks coined and trademarked term. My gig will be up and I will be revealed as a Starbucks Tenderfoot in a world that is full of Eagles. They will grab me by their talons and toss me out of the store! Rather than attempt this monstrosity of this word, I decided to avoid it all together, stepping up to the register like an old pro, nonchalantly asking for a "Vanilla Frappucino. She accepts my offer and I had over the funds. I begin to settle down. Haha- I have fooled them. She must think I'm an old pro with my Starbucks slang. Yeah, I don't need to order my drink word for word. It is understood. But no- she whispers over to the drink girl that she needs to prepare a vanilla bean frappuccino. VANILAL BEAN? No sir, I think not. We had a deal here. Vanilla Bean is Blended Cream, not a frappuccino. I needed to interrupt. "Uh..I actually wanted the frapuccino...the café vanilla one."
I sound like the biggest goon on earth, my cool pedestal crumbing before my eyes. "Is there a price difference?"

Turns out there is...38 cents. Though this wasn't clear- I heard 8 cents. I reached out my palm with a quarter resting in it, something that was greeted with a blank stare. Before I began to desperately giggle my hand she repeated more slowly, "thirty-eight-cents." "Oh," I reply. "I'm going to need to give you a dollar then." Instead of accepting she decides to make the change herself, placing 13 cents from the take a penny or more bin into the register. That's a record for me...I thought one time where I didn't have to pay 3 cents was a big deal, but this was groundbreaking. Groundbreaking yet strange. It's difficult to react to something like that. I have another "oh", but this one followed by a "thanks" and slowly placed the dollar back into my wallet, another first. I walked out with my new drink. There definitely wasn't enough vanilla. I drive home with the thought in my mind to log on to the Starbucks website and look at the menu. ...Café Vanilla.

It is the new year. Welcome 2008. A fully expect a hover board this year. We have 8 years left to develop one...otherwise Back to the Future 2 will be a complete lie.

I haven't updated this in- a year! Gee. No but honestly its been a few months. What's up? I have a girlfriend now. I saw Juno. Things are good. Two days ago I went Monster mini golfing with Eric, Kathryn, Owen and Matt B. Glow in the dark. Super cool.

Well just checking in.

Getting gum for free

It's really easy to get gum for free...at least in my experience. Most of my life I go without wanting gum, so when someone offers me a piece it's never something I craving. I maybe buy gum on my own once, twice a year, tops. I don't need it, or have an urge for it. Why do I take it then then... I take it because I can. I always graciously accept. Now this secret- how to get gum for free without even asking. I tend to look around a lot. I'm always observing my surroundings, getting a feel for things. People often chew gum. To chew gum you first have to take out a piece of gum, and this is a bit of a ritualistic act. You take it out of your pocket, select a piece, unwrap that piece, then pop it into your mouth. There's a second part of this act though, one that extends beyond your own enjoyment. If someone you know is around you, you offer them a piece. You want them to share the sensation. You will not be alone. Let's chew together. Now getting back to my experience. I'm not talking about getting gum from people I know, though I guess I'm acquainted with them, yet not on a first name basis. The third unspoken rule to this gum game seems to be that if someone watches you offer someone else a piece of gum, you must also offer the watcher a piece. Three times in my psych of learning class this has occurred, with three different people. I didn't want a piece of gum any of the times. My gaze was just briefly in the area of the gum giving and before I knew it a piece was in my mouth. It's so bizarre. What else in life works like this? Sex certainly doesn't. The world is your oyster and your world is a gigantic piece of gum.

Awful day. And you wouldn't believe how worse it got when it took my computer 5 minutes to actually open the internet. Today was one of those days where nothing went my way. Nothing was convenient, even simple tasks becoming enormously frustrating by something else being in the way. Lets do a run down...

I wake up and notice that the Blood Brothers broke up today. Though I'm not much of a listener to them anymore, they were one of my favorite bands during my last two years of high school and I really associate them with those times more than most other bands. Sad to see them go.

The quiz question for research methods was the one I was unsure about. Great. Also it turns out that as all the girls in my PLA group have chosen each other as partners, I'm stuck with the kid who shows up to less than half the classes, never turns in work on time, and to top it all off has been completely missing for the last two weeks. Turns out I now have to do the project entirely on my own. Wow, thanks.

My Spanish book is missing. I have no idea how and why but I spent about an hour today tearing apart my room looking for it with no luck, then stopping by the classroom only to interrupt a test and then visit the bookstore to find no more copies in stock. They had to import the book from Spain...it's not available anywhere online.

It's amazing how a few frustrations in a row can build up so quickly into a complete break-down. I left dinner, unhappy with the too-spicy dish and the Magnetic Fields' "The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side" came up on shuffle. I started to tear up a bit, holding them back as I was out in public. There's something about hearing one of my all-time favorite songs when I'm in a down mood...it makes me both better and worse. It's like tears upon getting attention, like in the Elephant Man when he cries upon a woman talking to him like a human, something that he's never experienced before. That scene gets me more than any other. The music is there for me. Then Beat Happening's "Cry for a Shadow" was next and I could no longer hold back. I just had such a cry fest and over what...a book and a project? I then began to get self-critical as I usually do when things don't go my way and started on about the social anxiety thing again. I can't pretend it's not there. Why won't my mom actually listen when I say I feel it's not just shyness and want to see someone about it. I've mentioned it off hand a few times, but have yet to be direct about it. Hell she even said she'd make an appointment with someone for October. I see the urgency. Thanks a fucking lot.

I see people I'm acquainted with around campus someones from a distance and actively avoid them. I know it's ridiculous, but I still do it. Like I fear making a fool out of myself around others so I just avoid them all together? Could be it. I don't want this. I see people with so many friends and wonder how they do it. Relationships...don't even go there. That's another thing I'm stressed about at the moment. It should be so simple. Fuck. I don't want people to think i'm unaffected and cold. I've had enough of that. Can I just be liked?

Pinkerton is saving my life once again. I owe this album so much.

I haven't listened to it in its entirety in maybe a year? What's wrong with me? I've heard this record hundreds of times but right now it's hitting such a chord that i'm in tears.

So sometimes you might put a good bit of effort into a night's plans. Sometimes those plans might fall flat in every regard that the only possible explanation at the time is a curse. But then your night forms a new path, one that ends up being even more rewarding and enjoyable than
you hoped for initially. This is wonderful.

hmm

Type 1	Type 2	Type 3	Type 4	Type 5	Type 6	Type 7	Type 8	Type 9
4	3	3	8	5	3	4	0	6

http://www.9types.com/rheti/homepage.actual.html


Type 1: The Reformer. The rational, idealistic type.
Type 2: The Helper. The caring, nurturing type.
Type 3: The Motivator. The adaptable, success-oriented type.
Type 4: The Artist. The intuitive, reserved type.
Type 5: The Thinker. The perceptive, cerebral type.
Type 6: The Skeptic. The committed, security-oriented type.
Type 7: The Generalist. The enthusiastic, productive type.
Type 8: The Leader. The powerful, aggressive type.
Type 9: The Peacemaker. The easygoing, accommodating type.

Fours are the masters of the emotional realm. Fours seem to be old souls. They have been around the block with heartache and even if they still get caught up in it they know there way around.

Some books say that fours are the jealous type. That’s bullshit. Fours don’t want what you have, they want something of their own… but it might be the same thing that you have.

You see fours are always out looking for how to make life better. That’s the thing- the aperture on the vision is so large that fours are trying to find ways to make LIFE better.

Fours can seem sort of down to others. Fours can seem sort of sad, but they really aren’t that sad at all. Once you get to know them, fours know a depth of feeling that none of the other types can TOUCH.

Fours are dag smat on the part of the enneagram that coincides with emotions. Yup, the thinking types see no logic in the four’s moves and the body types think fours are airy-fairy.

Fours are often lethally embarrassed. Or self-concious. Or both.

But that’s OK because despite what anyone might think, the four knows exactly what’s going on.

The desire to create and seek meaning is emphasized in the Individualist. They are emotionally driven, passionate people, who want to be recognized as special and distinguished from others. They are, at their best, compassionate, empathetic, and refined. This often leads them to artistic endeavors of various sorts, or alternatively, to relationships that would bring them intense feelings whether sublime or despairing. On the flipside, their emotional turbulances and excess fantasizing can cause difficulties with living in the moment, rather than in the past or in the future, chronic dissatisfaction and depression, and conflicts with others.

http://www.enneagrambook.com/type4/


interesting.....

where does October go to?

I always wonder this. I consider October to be my favorite month of the year. I've thought about this a good deal, and if you keep the things we associate with each month out of it and only factor in the environment, it's number #1 for me. I love the feel- the leaves, the colors...Halloween, but that's one of those things of course. Halloween's today. It always sneaks up out of nowhere and every year it's the same. Mid-September comes and the retail stores start putting out their Halloween items. I get excited...absurdly excited actually. My reaction upon seeing gigantic rats and dripping blood wall decorations is like that of a 5 year old when he first gets a puppy. I love the stuff and the thought that I can just walk into a store and buy a sack full of imitation shrunken heads, no questions asked. It's completely normal. About a month ago I bought a skull stress ball that is filled with fake blood and bugs. Therefore when you squeeze it, the gooze bubbles out of its eye sockets. That is brilliant. I will present anyone who doesn't love this time of year with this wonderful toy. They won't dare to question it anymore. What...you say June is superior to October? What can you buy in June...a pool noodle? A noodle? What about a motion activated hand stuck in the middle of a blood fountain? Hmm? What reigns superior?

So come late September early October I am a ball of joy. These ridiculous items are appearing in stores, the weather stops being so blistering hot, and the leaves are on the verge of of their colorful cathartic deaths. Then mid October comes. Mid-terms. I'm forced to ignore everything but books for a period of 2 weeks, right when it's prime October- the leaves at their most lovely. I feel like I miss the world during this period. This year it was especially heavy, given a history exam I spent what should have been a fantastic October weekend where I fully embrace everything the month has to offer studying my eyes off. For nothing too. Grrrr. Mid-terms come and go, and when they're finally gone, the month is winding down and I've fallen off the metaphorical hayride that I was so excited about at the month's start. (Speaking of hayrides, it's been much too long since I've been on one. 10 years maybe? Shit.. where can I do that?) By this time I don't even know how to hop back on. Watch horror movies? It's Halloween and I have no plans. If I controlled the world, I would make the school year run during the summer and have the 3 months of vacation be October, November, and December. There's something I love about these months... how I find it so much more difficult to concentrate on necessities like school work during these rather than in the summer (Summer courses are no big deal in my eyes.) I want a huge Fall vacation. I want hayrides, haunted labyrinths, apple picking, costumes, cider, pumpkins...

Pumpkins! I never even got a pumpkin this year. Halloween of 2005 I didn't get a pumpkin. I promised myself I'd carve a pumpkin the next year. When I say I'm going to do something, I will do it, so I did carve a pumpkin last year- a fantastic wolf one to be exact. I did nothing this year. Fuckkk. Halloween's not over yet. What can I do?

Friday was fantastic. Amazing. Wonderful. I was the happiest I've been in quite a while. At least since the of Montreal show. Coincidently tonight I saw a show. It can then be inferred that great shows = happiness for Matt.

So before the show Dave came down from Assumption and we jammed (though I hate that word, that's what we did) for a while before going to Moe's and a carwash. We recorded a few versions of a song I wrote entitled Lonesome Seal. We're still working it out. After that we went down to the Grind to help setup for the Uncle Monsterface show that night. The show- completely blew my expectations off the wall. For a completely obscure band, they had an amazing show. It was kinda like Gwar, with over the top costumes and skit segues between songs, but rather than sinister it was joyous. They began with a sound check song, a song about the soundchecking, then segueing into a cover of Madonna's "Like a Prayer" which the entire venue danced to. I loved how they played the show like it was packed, despite only about 30 - 40 in attendance. There was a projection screen set up that they interacted with in perfect time, as well as used for a screen for Super Mario Bros, inviting an audience member to play while they performed a song with all their energy focused on him. Let's see... there also was "pass the animal," throwing inflatable animals around the venue and trying to keep them afloat during the entire song. Lastly we got a dance contest with a dance-o-meter and then went up on stage to dance with various props for the last song. So awesome. After the show I went over to Joe's for a party which the band also was at. Really cool guys. The party was fun...I went out out my shell and danced...a lot. I cannot resist "Take on Me." ...and the Unicorns! Of course.

Saturday and Sunday I practically didn't leave my dorm. Actually I only left my room on Saturday to pee and head downstairs to pick up the Chinese I ordered. I need to stop doing this. My back really hurt from Friday night though so the least thing I wanted to do on Saturday night was roam around Clark. I was kinda depressed that night and went to bed at 11 pm. Absurd, I know. I then woke up around 2am, really tense and sweating. Not sure why...that usually doesn't happen to me. I took a shower and then went back to bed. 12 hours of sleep that night. I woke up feeling great.... a fantastic night's sleep is a powerful thing. Sunday...I did a lot of work, as I did Saturday afternoon. Nothing much else of interest.

Today's Monday. Boring day. But get this!! I got a Morrissey ticket for $20 for his show tomorrow!! Fuck this no music thing for this blog...it's impossible. I'll be excited for that, despite how I'm just a little discontent now. I hesitate too much.

super weird

In Spanish today we went around the room saying how old we were- a way to practice higher numbers.

Well we start going around the room (sitting with desks in a circular formation) and it's 19 after 19. Ten people in a row say 19. I then break the 19 chain with my 20 years. THEN then next person is 20, then 21, 20, 22, and etc, the oldest person being 24 (no wonder he knows so much extra vocabulary.) I could not get over how bizarre this was today...how people of a similar age were seated next to each other and didn't even know it. Maybe a bizarre coincidence...or maybe we feel most comfortable with people who appear to be our own age. But even when it's just off by one year? No way. Crazy.

I love leaves.

a sad day

http://oinkmemorial.blogspot.com/

OiNK has died. over the last two years of my life, my taste in music has expanded at an absurd rate due to this resource. it exposed me to post-punk, krautrock, obscure psychedelic acts and incredibly rare recordings that I would have never discovered without it.

when i woke up and the news of the site being shut down was made known, it was like someone i knew had died. it sounds extreme, but oink was such a community- it really was one of the most important tools that shaped who I became over the past few years.

i don't want to get into music downloading and the ethics here... i do feel like its important to support the artists and i'll always purchase something if i like it enough. however the guiding force in making an album should be the music itself, not the money that comes out of it. imo no truly great albums can be made if their main existence is an a commodity. not real. no good. people who make music should be happy anyone's listening at all. someone else taking time of out of their lives to focus your attention on something you made? it's an honor, really. there's so many bands out there. so many great bands. more shitty bands. but if you're a band at all, people listening to you isn't a right that's granted upon formation, it's a privilege if it comes at all.

all in all, i'm sad that i no longer have the opportunity to preview basically any album in my wildest dreams before shelling out for it. i've bought way too many terrible albums in my life and they take up valuable closet space. you know how many albums i've sold back that i've bought within the past 3 or 4 years? maybe a handful, no more. what about the OOP albums that i can't even buy!? how would i have heard the feelies without OiNK?! my life without the feelies... oh no.

and the field mice?! TWEE. add twee to my oink genre discovery list. damn i'm going to miss this. when will something else roll along? i am no pirate. i am my father's son.

No, monstrous vacuum trucks! Get away from the leaf piles! They only fell seconds ago. Noooo.


Peak of the season is now. I love it.

For how badly this week began, it wasn't a bad week overall. Okay, it definitely had its moments of suck...and some moments of heavy suck, but I feel satisfied right now.

I'm no longer taking European Roots- or I won't be as of very soon. The test went horribly and really, I'm getting nothing out of the class. I was completely devastated when he returned it. I worked for days preparing for that test, literally, and my time was completely wasted. I could rant on and on about it, but I've over it now. I never want to go through I class like that again...I was completely numb and couldn't even look at the guy. I have no clue how I made it through. Still, it's done and over and that is great. GREAT.

The majority of what I did from Tuesday through Thursday was my Qualitative Observation portfolio. It was 16 pages when I finished. I was pleased with it, and did well on all the individual portfolio checks so I'm not worried. But please come back okay...pleaseeee. This week was not good for returned work, despite there only being one piece.

I'll most likely be getting my own radio show soon. I'm really excited about that. I'm intending to do a Post-punk/ College Rock show. Very cool.

Also..I've taken a liking to someone...and I think I might do something about it soon. It's a little awkward though as this week I was between a conversation involving her and a conflict with another guy. It put me in a strange, conflicted place. I don't know what to do. I wouldn't want to make the situation worse for either.

Either I didn't set my alarm last night or I woke up, turned it off, and went back to sleep, remembering nothing. I woke up at 10:50- exactly when my 10 AM class ends. I first thought it was Saturday, but then remembered I was going home this weekend. Then maybe I was in class? But wait...there's no alarm clock in my Spanish class! Shit. It sucked. We have a test Monday. Still, she gave the topics Wednesday but I could have used some review or whatever we did today. Arrrrg. I hate it when class skipping isn't previously approved by my brain.